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1984 in Saudi Arabia

If you happen to be the proud husband father owner of a Saudi Arabian woman, never worry that while your attention is elsewhere (possibly on important business matters or the selection of a younger, better model) said property may develop a will of its own and decide to abscond with what is left of its autonomy. The days when your wives and daughters could just up and run off without your accompaniment or even permission have vanished into the past.

That’s right, my friend: the Saudi government will now, for your convenience, send a text message to your phone promptly informing you when one of your female possessions has left the country, thus enabling you to quickly track down, retrieve, and properly punish the wayward vagina-haver in whatever manner you feel will best prevent further rebellion against your God-given male sovereignty.

To sign up for this convenient service, simply pick up your cell phone and dial 1–800-OH-MY-GOODNESS-I-AM-LOSING-MY-FAITH-IN-HUMANITY.