Cat logomenu

You Didn't Ask For It

Scarleteen answers the following question:

I’m an 18 year old virgin. A few months back, I was out clubbing with a friend, and she wanted me to make-out with a guy, because she does it all the time when we go clubbing. I started dancing with a guy, and we started kissing, which I DID want to do. But then he started putting his hand up my skirt, and then in my underwear. I kept pushing his hand away and telling him to stop and he kept putting it back. I managed to escape and didn’t see him again, but I feel kind of violated, as he was touching me sexually. Is this my fault? I did want to kiss him, but I said not [sic] when he put his hand down my pants. Was this wrong, or was I asking for it, and is it just something that happens?

This kind of question tends to trip up morally-conservative Christians, because we want to tell this girl she shouldn’t have been making out with the guy in the first place. Unfortunately, that sort of response tends to consciously or sub-consciously register as, “This was partially your fault.”